Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
