she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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