His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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