Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
