Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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