did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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