I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
