That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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