you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
