I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
