im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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