At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
