Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
