Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
