I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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