remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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