I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
