Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
