She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize