i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
