ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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