It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
