dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
