He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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