Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
