Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
