just come out here and I will go home with you...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
