so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
