it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
