I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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