I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
