so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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