I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
