North Korea, Best Korea!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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