Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize