my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
