Your mouth is God's brothel.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
