so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
