i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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