i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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