im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
