What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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