I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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