I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
