I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
