i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize