i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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