Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
