You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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