NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fuck appropriateness.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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