OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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