On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
