he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
