so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize