i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
