I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
