Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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