The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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