I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
