I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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