i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize