we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
