I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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