D3 body, D1 cock
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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