cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
