can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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