I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
