just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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