ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
