I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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