In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
smell my finger.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
