Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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