The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
