i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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